Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
