The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i dont even know how to be here
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
