I wannas sexs uuuuu
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
