you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
