I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
