Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
