You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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