I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
