i jhust puked up my retainher.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
