I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
