mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
3pm strippers are depressing
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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