What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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