Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm too high and old for this...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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