im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Boobs speak an international language.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
