when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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