btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
