Your dad touched me again.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
