i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
