I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she smelled like a LAN party
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
