Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i dont even know how to be here
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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