Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
