How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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