I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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