I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
