Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
