Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
