When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
