just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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