Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
vagina is talking i cant
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
