remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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