he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
