Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
