New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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