Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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