dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
