I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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