She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Randomize
