I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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