Having a random hookup so left but love u
I skipped work to stalk him.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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