yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
