i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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