I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
