ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
