wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's Friday. Sex?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
