she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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