I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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