I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
