i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Randomize
