Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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