Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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