I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
