My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
