So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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