I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
